Last night, I had the privilege of attending an author talk with Belle Burden at the Omni King Edward Hotel in Toronto. At the event, Heather Reisman, founder and CEO of Indigo, asked Belle Burden questions about her book, Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage.
Strangers has been one of the most talked about books of the year. In it, Belle Burden recounts living with her family on Martha’s Vineyard at the beginning of the pandemic, when her husband abruptly announced that he was leaving her. Throughout the book, Belle Burden looks back on her marriage and considers the expectations put on women and reactions from others when they learned that her husband had left her. I listened to the audiobook in June and found myself completely invested in it.
Strangers has sparked many conversations, especially about financial vulnerability in marriage and the importance of women having a clear understanding of their finances.
The discussion between Heather Reisman and Belle Burden last night was a fascinating one. The following were my three biggest takeaways from the event:
1. Belle Burden’s Thoughts on the Sandwich Incident
Those who have read Strangers will remember a scene from the book in which Belle Burden’s husband, who has returned to the house to collect some of his things, asks her to make him a sandwich.
Her husband’s audacity angered me (and Heather Reisman!), but hearing Belle Burden’s take on it was interesting. She agreed to make him a sandwich in that moment for a few reasons. One, her husband’s actions had already put her children in a terrible situation, and she didn’t want to make it more upsetting for them by fighting wiht her husband. Two, she wanted her husband to spend time with her kids before he left, and her making him a sandwich instead of him making it would provide the opportunity for him to do that (an opportunity that he didn’t take, instead going to the basement to search for the prenup). Also, her kitchen had become something of a sanctuary, and she didn’t want her husband in it. Finally, she had an idea that making him a great sandwich would remind him of the nurturing relationship that he had lost.
She did note that if she had the opportunity to do it again, she would tell him that he should wait and eat after he left.
2. Famous Book Clubs’ Issue with the Book
Belle Burden noted during the conversation that Heather Reisman was early to endorse Strangers, even making it a Heather’s Pick (see here for my blog post on Heather’s Picks).
However, she was disappointed that famous book clubs didn’t select it. She noted that the reason provided was that the book never arrives at an answer to why Belle Burden’s husband left. In this way, there is a lack of closure in the book. Book clubs thought this would leave readers unsatisfied.
Part of what I think makes the book special is the way in which Belle Burden is forced to move on despite never getting that explanation as to why her husband left. It’s realistic and provides an example of how it’s possible to carry on without that closure.
3. What the Reactions of Others Might Really Mean
During the discussion and in the book, Belle Burden recounted how her gynecologist suggested that Belle’s husband left her because she wasn’t working. Belle talked about how she realized that hearing about a husband unexpectedly leaving can be scary for other married people because it can make them feel threatened. She learned that people’s unkind reactions to hearing about her husband leaving her often had nothing to do with her, and that she shouldn’t internalize those reactions. I think this is a valuable message that extends far beyond Belle Burden’s specific situation.
Have you read Strangers: A Memoir on Marriage? If so, what did you think?
Leave a Reply